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The Key To A Great Relationship

It starts with you!

I Wish I Could Stop There!

The relationship with ourselves is THE hardest relationship of all. The only relationship we have never been taught to actually BE in. To BE with. To look at.


How often do you get up in the morning and tell yourself "I love you"? "I love every part of you, even the dark parts." The parts that you cringe at, hate, want to change so badly that you actually can't face them.


We get taken aside as a young adult and spoken to about sex, we talk to our friends about partners, about love and yet imagine you had a moment in your life where 'The Talk' was actually about how to love yourself, completely. To be with yourself and what arises in you. Imagine how that would impact your life.


How We Treat Others, Is How We Treat Ourselves

Take a moment to think about or even list out all the things you DON'T like about a close friend, partner or even your mother or father.


If you really take your time here what you will find is that in most cases, some of what you list out in them is actually what you find unbearable in yourself. Can you see some traits in you that you dislike and how that impacts how you are with others? What you can love and what you can't?


Let me share a personal one for me, it's judgement, or perhaps that's the byproduct of what I don't like about myself. Judgement with underlying competitiveness. When I was really able to look at this, and admit this to myself I realised that this was one of the biggest challenges I had in really connecting to the people I had in my life, and what it was all really based on is my own question around my worth. What I would then do is make it about someone else's worth. How worthy are they of my love? How worthy are they of me taking a chance on them?


When I was able to be with this part of me and DO THE WORK on me, I started to become softer in how I am with others. To be able to sit in the presence of someone else's 'human beingness' brought an intimacy and richness to my relationships I hadn't experienced before, because I could sit with MY OWN 'human beingness'. My own judgement, anger, sadness and be vulnerable with myself.


You see I had spent so much of my life looking for someone else to see me, when I couldn't even see myself.


Imagine being with someone who could really see you for all that you are, every bit of you and love you even more.


Now look into you.


Doing The Work

Where do you start?


This is the question I get asked all the time. It feels like such a momentous task. To begin to love yourself. Every client that comes in to talk about their work, the fact they have no work, their children, their partner, basically anything. The place we begin is with them. So begin here.


  1. Journal on what you find difficult to face in others- weakness, jealousy, being overweight, being 'clever', judgmental. Any of these journal on them and notice what comes up for you that gets in the way of you and love.

  2. Where does this show up in your life? How often do you judge yourself for the same thing?

  3. Be with it. Every time you feel shame, fear, anger or sadness come up when confronted with those aspects, can you bring awareness to how it feels in your body. Can you allow it to be there.

  4. Meet yourself there with compassion. Even if it's just for 10 seconds to start, can you show it love?

  5. Find someone to be your mirror that can step out of their own story. Usually this means someone who has done the work (coach, psychotherapist, yoga teacher etc). Share with them in true vulnerability and allow them to listen, perhaps even shining a light on what still is dark.

If this resonated with you and you want to talk further with me, book a call here today.

Sending love always,

Ash

xx



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